The other day, I posted on a moms’ group that I belong to on Facebook about my small accomplishment for the week- sending out cover letters and my resume to a few art education organizations that I would like to work for part-time, and registering for a class towards my teaching credential.
“I don’t know if these will result in any work, but at least I’m taking steps to be where I want to,” I wrote.
Later that day, I opened my email; I usually check it only every few days lately. A name that I recognized surprised me. It sat in bold font at the top of my inbox- the principal of my parish’s Catholic elementary and middle school. Last spring, I had applied for a first grade job there, but ultimately I decided to leave my old teaching post to stay at home with “Mijo” (then a 14-week-old fetus, now a rolling, grabbing, curious baby) when he was born in the fall. That fall, I’d communicated with the principal about substituting at the school, but then ended up in the hospital and on bedrest, which put a wrench in any work plans.
“Ms. H_______, how are you and your baby doing?,” the email read. “I have a 2nd grade position open for next school year, and I wanted to ask if you were interested in applying.”
I’ve been checking the diocesan website for school postings daily, seeking that perfect part time position, and this job hadn’t been posted. That meant she was reaching out to me- and others, I’m sure- before opening it to the public. That was…a compliment, right? My fingers were typing a response faster than my brain could articulate it, that I was extremely interested, that I’d love to apply and interview, when should we discuss?
Since my son was born, I haven’t had any interest in going back to work ful time. I do badly want to work part time and to have some sort of stimulation and challenge outside of the home, but the feeling in my heart- that I’ve repeated to many friends and family who’ve questioned when I will go back, and why I would just quit- is that he is only little once, and he needs so much love and care right now; that I am the only one who can be his mother, while there are many people who can be a teacher to the children that I would’ve taught. I believe this, and so the plan was to attempt to work part time and finish my education while we have children, and once they are in school to go back full time. I want to be primarily a stay-at-home mom. It’s my vocation.
At the same time, I have a yearning to go be with and work for others and for social justice through my calling as a teacher, and impactful part-time opportunities are scarce. I know that I am getting ahead of myself, but could this be an unexpected part of the plan for me? And how, I want to know, do these opportunities always fall straight into my lap when I am not seeking them?
I have an initial interview tomorrow. The thought of it- of either being passed over or being asked to do a sample lesson, and possibly getting the position- well, both options make me anxious. Yesterday I mentally walked myself through the idea of leaving Mijo for 8 hours instead of 3 or 4, and couldn’t hold back the tears that welled up and the lump that rose in my throat even at the the thought. But I also thought about the faces of the students that I would teach- a classroom of immigrant students, dreamers, representative of hard working and extremely poor families- and my heart beat a little faster for them, too. If I end up being selected and have to make a decision between continuing to stay home and going to work at this school- my dream school, an amazing place with a big heart that serves the neediest people in our community- it will be one of the most difficult that I’ve ever had to make.
In the coming week or two, I’ll be walking on the road to discernment with St. Ignatius, praying the examen through this interview process and, if I have to make that hard decision, through that too. If you’re reading this, please pray for me!
Examining the Everyday 
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